30 Before 30 Challenge- Go on some random dates! Connect!
So sometimes I allow myself to decide when I want to cross something off my list. Would you like to hear how this one went?
Reflecting back to January when I originally challenged myself to “go on some random dates” I now have a very different view. Throughout the growth and events of 2024 so far I have realised that there was an element of this self challenge which was really the view I feel society holds as we grow older. I mean, I am now practically 30, no kids, never married, never even engaged and really have had very few relationships in my life.
There are definitely people who would look at this and think there is “something wrong”. Actually, I have been told this to my face several times too. But this is where I have had to change the narrative. Am I broken, or are there more options available for people to really live a happy life?
So in 2024 before I turned 30 I went on a grand total of…. 0 dates. I put in some effort on Tinder/Bumble, but realised my time is also too valuable to waste on people who can’t hold a conversation. Surprisingly, I’m quite ok with the fact that this little challenge went completely the other direction! So ok with it that I really can successfully cross this one off the list as in the process I have become so much more accepting of where I am in life and the amazing things I have achieved on my own.
It was as I was standing on the roof looking over the Marina on Saturday night that I began to decide what is actually important right now (photo from this moment pictured). I have no dramas and full control over every move I make. I have full control of who is worth being in my life and who is deserving of my energy. I only have time for the ones who stand alongside me, and don’t hold me back.
As for the little dating game, everything happens in time when it is supposed to. I have so much confidence in who I am and what I want to allow into my life. It’s time to just go with the flow and see what comes at me in this crazy life next!
22- Road trip! Stop and look at the little things. (Because there are always so many beautiful sights on the way!)
Another big one off the list! My solo road trip to Uluru!
Sometimes things just work out for a reason. And although this was not originally solo, I realised along the way it definitely needed to be for my own self learnings.
So how far is this little journey? Just a casual 1,500kms each way. Easy drive really! And I’m sure one of the smaller of my future adventures will be one day when I buy my van to live and explore in.
This trip was much needed as a little “reset” in life. Although there were times where I was driving at 130kms (Northern Territory, you are wild!), this was ultimately a moment to slow down and look at the small things. To admire the land we live on and everything it brings. So considering I bought my little travel car for these exact reasons I took it to see another amazing place in Australia.
The Uluru Retreat through Empowered Academy was something I had committed myself to doing since 2022 when it was first mentioned. When the 2023 date was announced it just was not practical in my life to make it work leaving 2024 with no option. It is absolutely a retreat worth doing! I surprised myself with hikes only one week out of surgery, I pushed my breathwork to a whole new space and I allowed myself to feel completely safe to make new connections.
Through my drive I was thankful to witness beautiful sunrises, sunsets, dingos, kangaroos, eagles and the list goes on! I had time to reflect on the chaos and loneliness in my own life, and know that I had a safe place to work through this. I had moments where I could go to museums, churches and other landmarks on my own and spend time doing the little things that others around me dont always enjoy.
I have certainly come home with a significant amount of clarity and confidence in what I am doing with my life. I have learnt that I can do A LOT on my own and I don’t need to wait for others who want to join me. I also know that I have the capabilities to be adaptable and open to whatever happens along the way (a place I was not in even the morning that I left).
I’m now down to 1 more month to really work through some more items on this list before I officially turn 30! Bring it on!
20. Face my health fears (Mental and physical… Let’s do this “Adulting”)
Looking back at this goal I really don’t know what I expected to achieve and what I need to do to “achieve” it. “Health fears” really could be a never ending list. Also, a list that likely will continuously be changing due to the unavoidable milestones we face as humans.
So, I faced the biggest mental and physical fears within my control right now. Well… Almost… But this is my list and I can cross off what I want when I feel I need to. So here we go…
The Physical-
For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled to breathe, particularly through my nose. However, it wasn’t until I did my Breathwork Practitioner course that I actually realised that this struggle wasn’t “normal”. When doing alternate nostril breath and having no air move through my left nostril I reflected on the fact that this is not right at all…
It was only at the end of 2023 that I felt a “pop” under my eye and it all really went downhill with my ability to just breathe. This was the clear moment where my body let me know it wanted help.
So… On Monday I finally gave in and had my little “nose job” (or in professional terms a Septoplasty and Turbinate Reduction). I’m still in a lot of pain and struggling to get through enough air to talk, but I am so happy that I decided now is the time to just do it! I have lived with a very deviated septum for quite some time so I am excited to be able to actually give my physical body a better quality of living and breathing.
Throughout my learning about the importance of breathwork for mindset, health and wellbeing I know this little change will be life changing. Bring on some intense breathwork practice in the coming months!
The Mental-
Well… I’m still coming to a solid decision with what I need to do with this one. I live as an open book in hopes that experiences in my life can help others in some way. I am also a strong believer in finding what “works” best for each individual in managing their own lives. So when the word “ADHD” was continuously said to me by several professionals, co-workers, friends and family things did start to make sense. I also started doing my own research and began to have the information I needed practically handed to me that lit up that little light bulb in my head (but more on that subject in another challenge coming soon).
ADHD is not always the “loud child” running around being “naughty” stereotype that society has highlighted for many years. Sometimes it’s the impulsive woman who has ten projects on the go at once, struggles to maintain relationships, is highly disorganised but yet still somehow “functions” and is overwhelmed by the simple decision of “what do I want to eat” when a menu is in front of them. They may also struggle with the overwhelm of a supermarket but yet a room full of glitter, colour and everything else “extra” brings a strange sense of comfort.
Basically… The more I looked into what so many others were pointing it out to me the more things started to make A LOT of sense. The way I had been living my life ticked a lot of boxes in the diagnosis checklist. But most importantly, it began to put awareness of how I can try to regulate when I am experiencing “signs” that are having a challenging impact in my life.
I do not have a formal diagnosis- but this is because right now $1200+ to me right now feels like a lot of money to pay for a confirmation that does not make a difference to how I am trying to live my life. I have discovered some amazing resources of my own and am learning how to best “support” my mind. I am also openly talking to those around me and asking for a bit of help when I need it (even if that helps it for what should be a basic task like cleaning my bedroom).
Actually going through with the test for a diagnosis that I have had sitting here for months feels too overwhelming right now (I know.. Ironic right?). It’s definitely a future task, but right at this very moment, I have some great supporters who are there to remind me that my little quirks just make me who I am. But in the meantime, my sparkly brain has felt a lot more at peace.
So that’s a BIG two health fears. I’m glad I have finally made myself face! Would I have faced them without them being on this list? You would hope so.
Now to go back to “resting” my boy and mid so I am prepared for the next challenges.
But why did I do this? It was more of a “30 days of clearing my mind” reset.
I did something like this around 9 years ago with Coca Cola. My addiction had become so strong that a 24 pack of cans would not last me long at all! Now 9 years later that little 30 days challenge turned into still being absolutely repulsed by Cola that I haven’t even had a sip. The addiction with Alcohol is nowhere near the level Cola was, but still something I would like to reduce from my life.
Alcohol is always a substance I have had an interesting relationship with. After being around alcohol during my whole teenage years I really had minimal interest. Even moving into my 20’s there still wasn’t overly high interest. To me, drinking alcohol was always just what came with social events in the evening. And as someone who craves any social situation I would be there with a drink in hand to feel like I “fit in”.
Now, I’m not saying I don’t enjoy alcohol… I still love having a cocktail or going on a gin tasting. But I knew I needed to make myself take a break as I noticed the evening drinks slowly increase when I was feeling low at home alone. One drink was turning into another and at the end of a long day, this certainly was not helping me to “destress”. Looking back at this goal I think “past me” had a feeling that “future me” was going to hit a point at the end of my uni semester where I needed to cross this off the list!
So June was my 30 Days with NO ALCOHOL and this is how I felt;
Lost- I don’t eat evening meals and realised that I had replaced this meal time with a drink.
Anxious- Because even though the amount I would consume was not high, I could feel my body almost “on edge” for those first 2 weeks.
However, these feelings were only for those first 2 weeks. After this, improvements occurred!
I felt…
Calm
Clear
Motivated
When we cut out alcohol it is amazing how “unfuzzy” the mind can feel. I felt like I had a little more energy and I could do the things I needed to do each day. I don’t know why I am surprised by this as I have gone to several retreats over the years where I have completely changed my diet and felt great! But right now for this moment I clearly needed to set that goal.
It was only last night that I thought I would see how I went having a small can of my favourite 23rd Street Gin and I couldn’t even finish it. Let’s hope this little change sticks!
I can now finally announce that I FINALLY completed a full semester of Uni! Here is why this is such an achievement that I needed to put on my list!
I remember a time in early highschool when all I chose to listen to was the “get good grades and go to University” speech. Something that I now know absolutely does not define you, but something I held with so much importance of my own identity. When a time came when I was too scared to even step through the school gates most days, resulting in me not completing year 12 I still held onto feeling the need to go down this path.
So after a couple of years of working an unimaginable amount of hours I made that first attempt to study and enrol in University! A Bachelor of Disability and Developmental Education!I had just purchased my first home (but that story is for another day), I had put in place what I needed from my work places to have time to study and I was committed! I thought…. Until that little global pandemic decided to happen in my first month of study and instead of cutting back on work I felt pressured to work more in the toxic environments around me. I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t even find where to log into the units and I unenrolled (Until 2 years later I found out I hadn’t unenrolled because I was SO overwhelmed and had to pay the $6,000+ debt that the Uni would not waive).
Attempt one at Uni was not a positive. So along came attempt two in 2022! A Bachelor of Nursing! I’m going to be a Registered Nurse! That is until once again in week one I struggled to sit at a computer without bursting into tears at the thought of trying to navigate the site. The biggest lesson I learnt from this attempt was to actually unenroll this time!
The desire to study was still buzzing inside of me. So along came attempt three in 2023! Psychology! Now surely this is easy and I could do round three. There’s no placements, it’s a three year degree and it is all online. However I think I actually learnt a bigger lesson from this degree. Don’t attempt Uni when you are travelling through Queensland dealing with 28 years of trauma and a relationship breakup. So attempt three stopped right there.
But let’s step into where I am now! Attempt four in 2024! A Bachelor of Social Work! (It is literally only as I am typing right now that I realise each attempt correlates with the year. I promise there will be NO attempt five in 2025!). Now how on earth did this degree happen? Well you see when you are in a safe and supportive environment you will find that the results will be different. After a sneakily little submission on my prior learning I discovered that I had eight units credited! One full year of study is already done! Also, it brings me that step closer to where I know my strength is.
It turns out that referencing is terrible, I strongly dislike structure and uni requires a lot of your time, energy and money! It has also been a huge hurdle to learn and accept that over 50% is still a pass and that I absolutely CAN do it! Finishing that first semester has also taught me that I have some people around me who are happy to help if I just ask.
So that is one little semester down and enough to prove to me that if I want to I can do it. I’m still not set on what path I want to go down, but this degree opens that door to opportunity. So maybe I can have that school counsellor role one day that little me dreamed of for many years.
Okay okay… I know, how ridiculous does this one sound?
Let me go into a little more detail…I have always had an interesting love/hate relationship with fitness over the years. Particularly leading into my adult life where you could say my fitness levels have not been the greatest. When it comes down to it I really do have a love of hiking and the feeling of achievement when I reach the top and witness the incredible views. In November 2021 I was first introduced to the Flinders Ranges during a weekend trip away where I was burnt out, tired and extremely unfit. Although I loved the opportunity I had to go on this trip, it was an extremely stressful introduction to “hiking”, but an adventure that I know I was put in to begin to change my mindset around “climbing big hills” as I would call it. There were certainly some tears on this trip…
Fast forward to my introduction to “hiking” with Empowered Academy and the amazing experiences I have been thankful to be a part of. The biggest thing I have learnt is when you are told “it’s not that steep”, it’s a lie… I have done hikes around South Australia, Queensland, Victoria and Bali where almost every time I find myself becoming emotional on the journey up. I become overwhelmed and frustrated with myself. I find myself comparing my fitness levels and ability to others, others who I know are not judging me and are proud because I’m out there putting in the effort to do what I want to do. Every single time I would work myself up to being on the verge of tears.
Bali was a turning point for me. I signed up to hike Mount Batur for sunrise without any research whatsoever (a standard move for me because I have full trust in this group!). I dragged myself out of bed at 2am, put on my new hiking shoes and reminded myself that I can do it! Not even 5 minutes into the hike I lost control of my breathing pattern and fell straight into a panic attack. All because I was becoming overwhelmed and frustrated with myself as I made attempts to trek up the sandy slopes. I can never thank the incredible support around me that day enough who provided the emotional support I needed to physically push my body to the top to see the sunrise. The second I felt the relief of achieving what I set out to do that day reminded me that I actually love going on these hikes!
It was not long after being in Bali that I saw a retreat in the Flinders Ranges. The exact spot where this little journey began. There was no hesitation at all! I knew this was going to be how I rewrite my memories into something positive. On February 23rd I started the drive to Wilpena Pound, stopping in Melrose to do a walk-through Alligator Gorge first. The next day I set out for the 6:30am hike through the Pound and right up to the same lookout where my little hiking journey started in November 2021. Not one tear was shed! No struggle. No pain. Just a moment of positive reflection where I could let go of the things that do not serve me anymore.
From the outside this challenge on my list seems quite small and insignificant. Looking back today as I write this, it was actually emotionally huge. My body still has a long way to go before I hit a level of “fitness”, but my mind is a lot stronger now knowing I can achieve what I want to in my own time.
I am truly ready to love every second of my next hikes in Uluru later this year (but let’s be honest, I’m sure I’ll do more beforehand).
5- Throw away my credit card and any “Buy Now, Pay Later” options (No more “Bad” debt!) What a good feeling this is! Today I cut the Credit Card and closed the After Pay account!
As I write about this achievement during a time where we are seeing so much inflation there are some butterflies in my stomach due to the difference we can have in the way we see “money”.
However, I am writing it anyway as I know that during my “I want to be rich” day I needed someone to be confronting and open my eyes the way I hope this may for others.
Yesterday was the first time in at least 12 months that I haven’t stressed and put a minimum of $500 of my fortnightly pay onto a credit card or AfterPay, Emotional spending is real and shopping addictions are incredibly stressful. As I have learnt in my counselling roles, these addictions may not be understood as something like drug usage and alcoholism. But yet it can almost give the same “hit” that the individual may be seeking to get them through the day. Crazy isn’t it?
I don’t know about you, but throughout my life it has been normalised to be a “shopaholic” throughout the media. I never actually watched Sex and the City but I was aware of how glamorised the idea of “shopping till you drop” can be. I spent years reading magazines that advise you to buy the newest season’s fashion, handbags, makeup and everything else that is marketed to make you “feel good”. As someone who for years has been obsessed with the fashion industry, I was incredibly susceptible to what I saw around me. It even came down to a silly little “Fashion Queen” award I won at my year 12 formal as voted by my peers that sparked my need to meet the standards that I put on myself.
I sometimes question if growing up where having the “cool” brand names was not an affordable option has influenced what I have felt like I “needed” to fit in. And although even to this day there are a lot of items I still like to have, I know they really don’t make me any more “popular”. I mean, I would rather have people like me for me and not the overly priced Tommy Hillfiger shoes or Mimco handbag that I put on AfterPay to look like everyone else.
Now some people experience credit cards and AfterPay as excellent cash flow systems that work within their budgeting. There are times in my life where I was in this exact boat. However, there are also times where I allowed this to completely spiral out of control because through the highs and the lows in life, this means was just too accessible.
When I was 24 I was advised to apply for a credit card to help me before I purchased my first home. I reluctantly applied for a $5,000 card and spent a good 2 years with anxiety every time I put a transaction on the card. In this same year… My determination to save my full deposit and buy my home to be “happy” was the only thing driving me to go to work (all 3 jobs) every day.
Fast forward to 12 months later and I purchased that perfect little home that was supposed to make me happy. It didn’t, and the intensity of the spending began again! In a little of 12 months I had spent almost $28,000 on Afterpay and still to this day I honestly couldn’t tell you what this money purchased. I had multiple packages coming each week that would end up sitting in a spare room because my physical body and mind was too overwhelmed to even look at them. The dopamine hit would drive me during my days as I looked on my Australia Post app and every time I hit “confirm” on the Calvin Klein order. But there was really no happiness here. The expenses on the credit card were no better.
It wasn’t until I started a new role where I was working with addictions that a light bulb lit up in my head. I didn’t believe I should be working with others if I had not addressed my own addictions. So all was paid off and for a moment there as I also entered into a new relationship I knew it was time to “grow up”. Unfortunately this didn’t last too long…
Throughout my entire relationship the credit card sat at the owing $3,000 mark, I was spending excessive amounts on accommodations, food, travel, gifts and my own clothing and accessories so I could always “look good”. I was spending amounts I could not afford on education because I was in a mindset of when I left my comfort of Wallaroo I would need further qualifications to gain employment elsewhere. So when this relationship ended… The spending spiraled even more!
Camilla purchases would hit over $1,000 at a time because they were “on sale”. My need for further education to feel valid increased to the point where dropping $5,000 on a short course meant nothing to me. The credit card constantly sat on the $5,000 maximum and the AfterPay at the $3,000 limit. All spent on materialistic items that I knew would not actually bring any happiness.
And did you know there is also a pay in 4 option on Paypal? So when I was calculating how much I needed to pay off I hadn’t even realised I was using this service and found a further $2,000 owing…
When thinking about my “30 Before 30” list I knew that entering into this new stage of life I can not bring the weight of my spending with me.
Yes, it is nice to have some of these little luxuries in life and we all have different values in this world. For me, having “things” and excess amounts of “stuff” does not bring any sort of happiness. It brings overwhelm, stress and constant pressure.
In the last 6 weeks I have worked the hardest I have in years to be able to pay down the $10,000 of bad debt. In a way I am thankful that I have put myself in a position to have the potential to earn a high amount of money when I need it. But I will never say it is easy to do so.
I have gone from at least one $200+ clothes package being delivered each week to none. I have purchased a total of 2 take away coffees this year instead of at least one a day (because $6+ a cup is just not in my values anymore). And… I think for the first time in my adult life I have consistently started to make my own lunch instead of purchasing takeaway that I genuinely don’t enjoy anyway.
No one has ever handed me my “money”. I have created it from working hard in my own life and I have learnt along the way that having it does not buy true happiness. It allows comfort, it allows the necessities and it allows financial freedom IF you can value it correctly.
I have no interest in being “rich”. I have an interest in learning from my mistakes and creating a balanced life where I have the ability to invest in the things that truly bring content in my life.
Now age is just a number, but as someone who connects with someone so deeply with numbers it just wouldn’t be right to not do something for the big 3 0 in September 2024!
My life has truly changed in the last 2 years, and I have done so many things that my younger self would have never thought would be possible! If you had asked me to take a weekend off work at 25, I would have almost put myself into a full panic attack at the thought that others may have to work short staffed, and the place would close. Thoughts that were completely irrational and fueled by my want to “be successful” and “go places in life”. So here is a little secret, successful people need breaks to refresh and grow.
So, as I was lying in bed still feeling a little tipsy at 3am on January 1st, 2024, I thought “This is officially the year I turn 30”. I’ve bought my first home at 25, I already drive an amazing car and I am in the most supportive job of my life so far. But yet, I’m not married, let alone even anywhere close to any sort of longer-term relationship. I also don’t have my own family, nor am I ready to yet. So, have I hit the standard expectation that I hear so many people STILL talk about? The true answer is I don’t care, and I have my own standards! The most important standard to me is to now really live life to the fullest! To create fun and freedom in every active choice that I make!
My word of 2024 is EXHILARATING! A word that is breathtaking, charges, electric, exciting and galvanizing! So, as I spend the first week of 2024 racking my brain on what I can do to live the last 9 months of my 20s to the fullest I had the little idea of my own “30 before 30”
Now, every single number on this list is achievable and realistic. There may be numbers that I don’t achieve and a part of being a perfectionist Virgo is knowing that this is ok to (but I am also a Manifesting Generator and I’ll have 5 or more on the go at once).
So, I invite you to follow along and even join in my little challenge! Here is the official 30 before 30 blog!
30 BEFORE 30 CHALLENGE!
1. Travel to a country where I do not know the language!
2. Start a hobby that will challenge me (Maybe I should learn to knit)
3. Watch a comedy live show (For a comedy lover it is truly surprising i’ve never done this!)
4. Do a Fun Run (Colour run? Foam Run? I’m down for anything!)
5. Throw away my credit card and any “Buy Now, Pay Later” options (No more “Bad” debt!)
6. Donate Blood (Preferably without fainting this time)
7. Complete a piece of artwork
8. 30 Random acts of kindness (And more!)
9. 30 Day no spend challenge (Well…No spending on non-essentials)
10. Be a guest on a Podcast (I’m not feeling that 2024 is my year to start mine but I would love to be a guest on someone else’s!)
11. Hold my own retreat or event!
12. Glow Up challenge- Health and Mindset (I don’t want to lose weight; I want to feel truly healthy and happy!)
13. 30 Days no Alcohol
14. Go on a wine/gin tour (Yep… This Gin lover has never done this activity)
15. Start writing a book and making my Oracle Card Deck
16. Go to a sporting event (AFL game anyone?)
17. Maintain a herb garden (Buying all the herbs and killing them a week later doesn’t count)
18. Face a fear (It is time to touch a fish…?)
19. Watch the sun rise at least once per week
20. Face my health fears (Mental and physical… Let’s do this “Adulting”)
21. Go on some random dates! Connect! (Do you know anyone decent? Tinder just is not my vibe these days)
22. Road trip! Stop and look at the little things. (Because there are always so many beautiful sights on the way!)
23. Address the relationship with food- Learn to cook and work with meat. (I did google how to cook chicken recently….)
24. Read a book (It’s true… In 29 years I have still never read a full book)
25. Learn to take care of my car (RAA is for emergencies that I can often prevent earlier…)
26. Complete a Hike without the tears…
27. Finish my first semester of University
28. Earn $1,000 from my personal business in a month (And charge what I am worth! No freebies!)
29. Allow ALL the attention for my 30th! (Allow myself to actually receive positive attention!)
30. Establish what is important to me in my 30s!
Bring on September 14th, 2024, to see how far I can go!
Right now… In this very moment… I want you to stop and reflect on your life. Because you deserve to allow yourself the time to stop and reflect, don’t you?
As you continue reading, I want you to allow yourself to go on a little journey with me. A journey where you are safe. You are safe to stop and provide yourself the time and space to read this, and truly reflect on you. Because in life… Is this something we stop to do enough?
As you sit where you are I want you to stop and allow your mind to truly think…
“What is the one thing I am struggling with right now?”
“What is the one thing I want to change in my current life?”
“What am I avoiding doing that I know will help me in life?”
Now, I know that you know you have something in your mind right now. So how do I know this? I know this because you are still reading. I know this because if you wanted to change you would be willing to allow yourself the time. Like the time you are allowing yourself right now. To stop… And to think.
So, if you were to know what your life would look like in 1 year if you didn’t make this change, what would it be? What about 3 years? What about 5? How would not making the change impact you? How would it impact those around you?
I want you to know that right now you have the ability to choose your outcome. So if you were to choose to make change right now, what would life look like in 1 year? What about 3? And how amazing could it look in 5? How would those around you right now be seeing you? How would you see yourself?
There you go, I bet that was a powerful realisation.
Only you have the choice to make change. And if there is nothing holding you back then you can make the choice to work on you today, cant you?
So if I told you I can offer ways to help you make the decision you would benefit by trying… Right?
I cant wait to help with your journey soon.
Photo taken by Ari Brooke in the Daintree Rainforest
The last 24 hours (and 3 weeks before that) have really just been A LOT and very overwhelming to deal with. Because working as a counsellor and coach in the Mental Health space with all the skills and resources does not mean that hard days don’t hit me. They do! And that is ok!
Tonight I just trusted my intuition and instinctively drove to where I knew I needed to be. When you put trust in yourself you really can know what you need in that moment to heal.
I took myself through my own little breathwork, hypno and Timeline process to find clarity in the emotions coming up.
Through the power of these modalities things are very clear! See why I rave on about this stuff! My time is too important to invest in the things I won’t gain results from!
It was in the moment I sat up and let my eyes slowly adjust to my surrounds that I the most beautiful and meaningful sign.
Two dolphins swam through the waves directly infront of me.
Now what could this mean? Was this the exact sign I needed after little journey?
Positive Mind Waves 